Now I Remember Why I Hate Dating!

I have had so much bouncing around in my brain lately in regards to men, relationships, and dating in general. Why are men and women so compatible and incompatible at the same time? How is it that we can love and fight so strongly with each other? I know men, in general, think women are too complicated because we think and act with our emotions and that it drives them nuts. But you men do your fair share of confusing the heck out of us as well.

I mean why do you say one thing but do the opposite. I know that men try to be "logical" thinkers but your logic sometimes doesn't add up with how you act. For instance, why would you tell a girl you don't want to date her again but still want to make out? I don't understand. And why would you stop talking to someone and then out of the blue show back up in there life and be nicer than ever? You think we are crazy for acting emotionally but you constantly stir up those emotions within us and then complain when we act with them.

Another thing, why is it so hard for men to commit to how they feel about the women in there life? And why does the dating scene have to be a guessing game? What happened to just being honest with each other? I wish I could go out with a guy and if he wasn't into me or wasn't feeling a connection he would just say something. I have done that. Why can't it be that way with everyone?

I hope one day men and women can learn to be honest with each other. I know that sometimes honesty stings but the sting of honesty is a lot less painful that the hurt that comes from finding out the truth too late.

Now I've said my piece. I had hoped that I would feel better when I was done but I'm just as confused as always. I just hope I can live through this experience and come out on the other side as a stronger and happier person. And that maybe I can find my someone special in the process.

All Dogs Go to Heaven

Yesterday was a sad day for me. We put our 16 year old Cocker Spaniel, Copper, to sleep. He was the best dog anyone could ask for and even though he could kill you with his bad breath and rancid 'gas' I will him him. Many nights growing up he kept me warm at night sleeping in my bed and he was always there when I needed a friend. He always had a way to tell you "it's going to be ok" with his eyes.

He was a strange dog. Only dog I've ever know that was afraid of the dark. And he would howl on queue as long as you got him started. He was the kindest most loving little puppy on four legs. In the end it was old age that took him. I know we put him down but that was to rescue him from the pain he was in. So here is my message to Copper.

Copper I love you and you will be missed. You were the best dog and I hope you met up with Sasha on the other side and that you are happy. Take care of my mom for me will ya! Save a place for me in heaven!

Watching history happen

Can I just say how very exciting the Olympics are. I don't care if its the summer or the winter games, they are both amazing. What other time in our lives to we get to watch history as it happens, in a good way that is. I mean everyday we can turn on the TV and see war, tragedy and pain that will go down in the history books but only once every two years do we get to watch the best part of history. The kind of history where we see people beat all odds and achieve their goals and dreams. Where we cheer when they succeed and the whole world seems to forget the worry and the war and the pain and the anger and come together for a few day of peace and healthy competition. Wouldn't it be amazing if in stead of fighting wars we battled out our differences in a game of Ice Hockey or Basketball...winner takes all. Think of all the lives we would save!

Tonight I got to witness history. Even Lysacek, won a Gold Medal in the Men's Figure Skating event. It was the first time any man has won the World Championships and Olympic Gold since Scott Hamilton in 1984 and he was the first American man to win gold in figure skating since 1988. They will talk about tonight for years and years to come and I was lucky enough to watch it as it happened. I sat on the edge of my seat (ok so it was more like laid on the edge of the couch) and held my breath during his free skate tonight. Hoping and praying that he would skate clean and land his jumps and his program was amazing. The others came out to skate and it was clear to me that they just didn't have the same fire and determination as Even as they skated. At the end of the night, when the scores were posted I watched as he celebrated with his coach and family and then as he received his Gold Medal. It is an amazing witness to me that if you put everything you have into what you love you can succeed. I hope we can all take a page from Even as we strive to achieve our dreams, and that we can remember the only person who will prevent you from achieving your dreams is YOU!

Life is......(fill in the blank)

So much has happened since my last post. I really need to make this more of a priority in my life and quite spending so much time on facebook :p Lots of things have changed in my life recently. So lets just get into it shall we?

Family: My kids are doing fine...better than fine probably. They get to see there dad a whole lot more which I know makes them happy even if it stresses me out a bit. I agreed to go back to the original plan of "standard" parent-time with my ex which means he takes the kids on Wednesday nights (not really anything new) and every other weekend (that is the change I have to get used to). Matt has made great progress in his struggle to "get better" so I decided that he could maybe handle the boys alone. I didn't take into account how much it would stress me out because I realize now that I don't trust him...at all...but he has never given me much reason to so what am I to do right? PRAYER has been a big factor in my relationship with my ex, whatever that might be, and with my kids.

Mom is, well she's mom. She still drives me crazy but things have gotten more relaxed between us since I started working. I think the hours apart do us good. She has actually got up and gone out of the house for the first time in months today to try and do something to bring a little money in the home. I can't even begin to express how relieved I am with that. Maybe she'll chill a little if she feels productive again. Maybe not but hey a girl and hope right?

Work: I finally found a job. It's only part time but it's fun and it helps. Every little bit helps right? It's a real easy job but I like the people I work with so I stay with it. I'm still looking for a more permanent full time position but this will work for now. I think I have an small idea of what missionaries feel like though. Getting told no all the time isn't any fun but it sure makes the yes sweeter!

I am have found a second part-time job working from home but I am starting to worry that it isn't ligit. This guy hired me to be his Personal Assistant from my resume alone and I have only ever communicated with him via email and IM. It's kind of un-nerving not knowing who your boss is. I am starting to wonder if I should tell him "thanks but no thanks" and move on.

Love: Can I just say that being single again has it's ups and downs. I remember now why I never liked dating before I got married which is probably why I didn't do much of it. Why does dating have to be such a game. Why can't we just be honest with each other and communicate by saying what we really mean. I am who I am so take it or leave it. Why do I have to try to be more or less of who I am to make people like me? Uhhhh!!! I hate this feeling so much. It's so confusing. Why can't people just be honest about how they feel so there are no questions? Can anybody explain it to me? My little brother tells me "that's just how it works so learn to play the game" but I don't think that's fair and I don't want to play. I just want to win....can't I skip to the end?

Well I guess that's all for now. Better get ready for work.

Christmas has come and gone. It is amazing to me how much preparation goes into to one day each year. We spend hours preparing food and wrapping presents to have it all be over is a matter of minutes. But in the end to see the smiles on the face of my loved ones when they taste the food or unwrap there presents.

Santa was very good to us this year. There were two separate occasions when gifts were anonymously left on our porch. Once just for the kids and the last time for me and mom as well. That is two years in a row that we have had surprise presents on my porch. I remember a time when I was able to do that for other people and now it happens to me. I am humbled and grateful to whom ever left those gifts...it really made the boys Christmas.

New Years is coming soon and so a new start. I hope that things go better in 2010 then they did in 2009. Only time will tell I guess.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Hello world! It's been a while since my last post but I wanted to get my Christmas wishes and family update posted. This last year has been anything but perfect but we have survived it and hope to have a better 2010. A year full of lots and ups and downs.

Keefe is 5 years old going on 30. He has such and old soul and a great understanding of the world around him and expresses himself far beyond his years. He started Kindergarten and is doing well is school. All of his classmates like him and he is progressing every day. He loves being a big brother and is just about the best big brother on the planet.
He loves to play with Kaden and help me take care of him. He is always willing to show Kaden how to do things he isn't good at yet and sharing his toys.

Kaden is by far my handful. He is so mischievous. I ask him not to do something and he gives me this side ways look and continues to push it to see how far he can go before mommy gets really mad. It is terrible but also so cute. It's a struggle not to laugh at him when I am trying to drive home a point.
He absolutely loves Football and enjoys watching the entire game with me and Grandma on Sunday and Monday Nights. He throws his hands in the air when you say touchdown and gets a huge smile on his face. He is talking more and more everyday and has the most infectious laugh i have ever heard. You can't help but smile and join in when that little bundle of spit fire starts to laugh.

This year has been the bumpiest for me this year but I am hanging in there and surviving. I still haven't found a job since getting fired in September but I am trying my hand at Network Marketing with Donald Trump. It is slow starting but kind of like a snow ball rolling down hill.
I am happy and have my health so I have no place to go but up from here. I have made some great friends in my on-line dating quest and hope to continue allowing those friendships blossom.

I guess that is everything I had to say so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone. I hope your holidays are full of love and happiness!

Rain drops are falling on my head!

The post today isn't as happy as previous posts. I got FIRED last friday. I have never been fired before and have felt rather worthless and useless the last few days. I am currently on the hunt for a job so if anyone has any tips please let me know.

In happier news the boys are doing great. Keefe went to Karate today and was so proud of the fact that he has the best balance of the white belts in his class. His instructor was impressed enough to mention it after class. I guess all that jumping around on one foot really paid off!

Went to the Doctor with Kaden today for his 15 month check up. He is healthy as a horse, aside from a small ear infection. He got two shots but took them like a trooper..he always does. He is the bravest happiest little guy! I couldn't ask for a better kid if I tried. Keefe was even impressed with his brother getting shots. He told me he thought Kaden "was very brave, cause when I got shots they had to hold me down. He was very relaxed" How cute is that!

Well that is all for today.